"Mm ba ba de Um bum ba de Um bu bu bum da de"

I have been suffering from a serious case of being completely uninspired lately. This really shouldn't be the situation, I see things every day that make me cringe and get me all fired up. When I sit down in front of this computer and try to rant or rave about anything, I get about two sentences and then: nothing. Oh yeah that's called writer's block, but don't you have to be a writer to have writer's block? Well, at any rate, I think the pressure of having a blog is getting to me. It isn't even that interesting, and I'm sure it's not very popular, but just knowing that I have something "due" makes me procrastinate. I didn't ever set any specific deadlines for this blog because I know I sometimes have a hard time holding up to pressure. Somehow the small amount of importance I put on my writing has caused undue stress.

I know we can't all be perfect, but I really want to be! I want to be supermom, and have my child (or children) turn out perfectly. I want to win the best housekeeping award. I want to be the most amazing cook around. I want to be the best wife there is and have the most loving and stable marriage. I want to have an incredible job that I both love and am good at. I want to be the model Christian. I want to be undefeated in the show ring .I want to advocate for agriculture and be the person people come to when they have a PR crisis. I want to have the most popular blog on blogger. I don't want to leave anything out, I want to have all my bases covered. Some might say this is a lofty dream, mostly unattainable, and slightly narcissistic, but I don't care. I feel like if I could attain all of these things, my life would be in balance and I would finally be, well, normal I guess. I have heard time and time again that I put too much pressure on myself, but I am so used to the pressure now it doesn't seem out of the ordinary. I swear the Queen song "Under Pressure" is my theme song every time I hear it.

How have I got to this point that my life has to be so perfect? I know I wasn't always this way. The first time I went to college I did not get straight A's, and that was okay, but this last time around a B was the end of the world, and a C, well, we won't go there. I might be a perfectionist, but I am also realistic. I know someday I will be perfect, but today is not that day. Today I will settle to have a relatively cleans house; to not burn supper; to have my infant think I walk on water; to have a husband that adores me; to have a part-time, temporary job that I like; to go to church on a very irregular basis; to have two horses that live 559 miles away; and to think quietly to myself that people are idiots when they speak an agriculture untruth. And, I guess I will settle for having one follower of my blog. Tomorrow, tomorrow is my day, and I will keep telling myself that until tomorrow comes.

As run of the mill as living under pressure is for me, it is definitely a goal of mine to make sure my daughter doesn't have that burden in her life. I hope that all of my idiosyncrasies don't impair her life in any way. I know as parents we do the best that we can to give our children a shot at a normal life, I just hope that my best is good enough.


COPYRIGHT NOTICE: "Mm ba ba de Um bum ba de Um bu bu bum da de" is the property of the band Queen, I just borrowed their lyrics.