I have always, always been stubborn. I like to accomplish things myself, figure things out on my own, and I LOVE being right. In fact I kind of have to be right, I don't think there's anything that makes me madder than when I'm wrong. This particular attribute of mine has been both a blessing and a curse. A little to much pride can be a hindrance and there are probably people out there that think I am arrogant and well, I guess I can deal with that. Anyone that truly knows me knows that you have to have a certain amount of self confidence to be arrogant and I most certainly am not at that level. I only speak up when I know without a doubt in my mind that I am right about something. So right that I am willing to bet on it. In fact to this very day my husband owes me $1,995,000 because I am so right. I like to bask in the splendor of my rightness from time to time. I know gloating is one of those nasty things you aren't supposed to do (a sin, in other words), but it just feels so darn good to be right!
While being right is just about the most awesome things there is, I have, on occasion (gasp!) been wrong. I have been battling with my cloth diapers for almost 9 months now. I followed all the rules, did everything the cloth diaper company told me to do, searched forums, tried everything, and I still haven't com up with a laundry solution. I either have rash problems or ammonia problems. Well, when we were visiting my husband's family for Christmas his mother suggested that I use Borax. Now any woman know that no matter how sweet and helpful and kind your mother-in-law is, she is still your mother-in-law. If there is anyone in the whole world you want to be more right than it is your mother-in-law. There is some innate drive within woman than pushes her to compete with her mother-in-law. This instinct combined with my dogged determination told me to completely disregard the Borax comment and continue spending money on alternatives. Well after 6 months of being stubborn I have to say (big swallow), "Bev, you were right."
Now you will have to excuse me as I slink away and sulk for a while.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
"Mm ba ba de Um bum ba de Um bu bu bum da de"
I have been suffering from a serious case of being completely uninspired lately. This really shouldn't be the situation, I see things every day that make me cringe and get me all fired up. When I sit down in front of this computer and try to rant or rave about anything, I get about two sentences and then: nothing. Oh yeah that's called writer's block, but don't you have to be a writer to have writer's block? Well, at any rate, I think the pressure of having a blog is getting to me. It isn't even that interesting, and I'm sure it's not very popular, but just knowing that I have something "due" makes me procrastinate. I didn't ever set any specific deadlines for this blog because I know I sometimes have a hard time holding up to pressure. Somehow the small amount of importance I put on my writing has caused undue stress.
I know we can't all be perfect, but I really want to be! I want to be supermom, and have my child (or children) turn out perfectly. I want to win the best housekeeping award. I want to be the most amazing cook around. I want to be the best wife there is and have the most loving and stable marriage. I want to have an incredible job that I both love and am good at. I want to be the model Christian. I want to be undefeated in the show ring .I want to advocate for agriculture and be the person people come to when they have a PR crisis. I want to have the most popular blog on blogger. I don't want to leave anything out, I want to have all my bases covered. Some might say this is a lofty dream, mostly unattainable, and slightly narcissistic, but I don't care. I feel like if I could attain all of these things, my life would be in balance and I would finally be, well, normal I guess. I have heard time and time again that I put too much pressure on myself, but I am so used to the pressure now it doesn't seem out of the ordinary. I swear the Queen song "Under Pressure" is my theme song every time I hear it.
How have I got to this point that my life has to be so perfect? I know I wasn't always this way. The first time I went to college I did not get straight A's, and that was okay, but this last time around a B was the end of the world, and a C, well, we won't go there. I might be a perfectionist, but I am also realistic. I know someday I will be perfect, but today is not that day. Today I will settle to have a relatively cleans house; to not burn supper; to have my infant think I walk on water; to have a husband that adores me; to have a part-time, temporary job that I like; to go to church on a very irregular basis; to have two horses that live 559 miles away; and to think quietly to myself that people are idiots when they speak an agriculture untruth. And, I guess I will settle for having one follower of my blog. Tomorrow, tomorrow is my day, and I will keep telling myself that until tomorrow comes.
As run of the mill as living under pressure is for me, it is definitely a goal of mine to make sure my daughter doesn't have that burden in her life. I hope that all of my idiosyncrasies don't impair her life in any way. I know as parents we do the best that we can to give our children a shot at a normal life, I just hope that my best is good enough.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE: "Mm ba ba de Um bum ba de Um bu bu bum da de" is the property of the band Queen, I just borrowed their lyrics.
I know we can't all be perfect, but I really want to be! I want to be supermom, and have my child (or children) turn out perfectly. I want to win the best housekeeping award. I want to be the most amazing cook around. I want to be the best wife there is and have the most loving and stable marriage. I want to have an incredible job that I both love and am good at. I want to be the model Christian. I want to be undefeated in the show ring .I want to advocate for agriculture and be the person people come to when they have a PR crisis. I want to have the most popular blog on blogger. I don't want to leave anything out, I want to have all my bases covered. Some might say this is a lofty dream, mostly unattainable, and slightly narcissistic, but I don't care. I feel like if I could attain all of these things, my life would be in balance and I would finally be, well, normal I guess. I have heard time and time again that I put too much pressure on myself, but I am so used to the pressure now it doesn't seem out of the ordinary. I swear the Queen song "Under Pressure" is my theme song every time I hear it.
How have I got to this point that my life has to be so perfect? I know I wasn't always this way. The first time I went to college I did not get straight A's, and that was okay, but this last time around a B was the end of the world, and a C, well, we won't go there. I might be a perfectionist, but I am also realistic. I know someday I will be perfect, but today is not that day. Today I will settle to have a relatively cleans house; to not burn supper; to have my infant think I walk on water; to have a husband that adores me; to have a part-time, temporary job that I like; to go to church on a very irregular basis; to have two horses that live 559 miles away; and to think quietly to myself that people are idiots when they speak an agriculture untruth. And, I guess I will settle for having one follower of my blog. Tomorrow, tomorrow is my day, and I will keep telling myself that until tomorrow comes.
As run of the mill as living under pressure is for me, it is definitely a goal of mine to make sure my daughter doesn't have that burden in her life. I hope that all of my idiosyncrasies don't impair her life in any way. I know as parents we do the best that we can to give our children a shot at a normal life, I just hope that my best is good enough.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE: "Mm ba ba de Um bum ba de Um bu bu bum da de" is the property of the band Queen, I just borrowed their lyrics.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)